Here I go again

I have been away for quite a while now but have not given up on this journey. There have been so many things happen in my life in the last year and a half and my emotional eating has gotten beyond out of hand. I honestly don’t know how to get it in control again. I have been through a job loss due to downsizing, relationship issues, a move several states states away from my home state, engagement, miscarriage, and jobs, and missing home. I have gained so much weight since moving to Tennessee, but my fiance are both working  to lose weight and become healthier. Food though.Ugh! Food is the biggest problem. Its a vicious cycle

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I refuse to quit though. I need and will work through this. I know that I do better when I have community support so here I am. I also joined a dietbet this morning. I am hoping with the support I can get back on track and get my mindset straight. toohard

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Quick update….

I just wanted to get on here and write a quick post on where things are at…..so I have set some new goals and set up some non food rewards. I am eating really really well, walking a lot, and working out whenever and however I can. Loving the mindset right now but more on that in my next post. Originally I had lost 95 pounds but gained 28 back in the last few months. Within the last couple of weeks I am down 7.6 pounds. I get my first reward at 10 pounds lost. Thank goodness too because my hair is beyond a hot mess. I have different things for each 10 pounds lost but the biggies are at 70 pounds and 100 pounds. My goal is to lose 70 pounds by Oct. 17 this year so that I can go zip lining over the Oklahoma river. I have always wanted to zip line and I am so excited that it’s going to happen. At 100 pounds, I am taking a cruise with my bff,  sister, and I’m not sure who else but we will figure it out. I honestly don’t like boats and have never wanted to take a cruise but for one thing the price isn’t bad and two I will get to be hanging out on the beach with a drink in my hand relaxing.  

Hopefully everyone is doing great! 

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It has been way too long…..

It has been so long since I have been on here….I don’t know what to say. I have definitely been sucking at this weight loss/healthy living business. There have been some major downs the last few months and lots of eating out. I haven’t weighed myself in months but by the way my clothes fit I can tell I have gained a little back. I am not as comfortable with my body and sometines its hard to explain to people why.  I have gotten back into the gym but I need to start meal prepping again.
No one tells you how hard this process is. No one realizes what a struggle this is. I love how people on the outside can just be like lose weight, workout, stop eating so much……seriously?! Let me hit you with my shoe and then maybe I can explain how it’s not as easy as that. If I ate just when I was hungry I would only eat once a day. That is not my problem. My problem is when I’m bored or having some kind of emotion (apparently any kind of feeler will work), usually at night, I eat to fill a void of some sort. Soooo don’t act like it’s as easy as just stop eating. Everyone has something they have to work through and I know this is my lot in life but I really wish people could see what others are going through. Honestly, we are all fighting some kind of battle. We should be nicer and more supportive of each other. I have several friends who are working through weight issues and I try to be so supportive and excited for them. Even when things aren’t going well, I try to be there for them because I know this struggle. I know I could have it so much worse and I am so thankful for what I have and what I have accomplished.
I was doing so well and then i wasn’t. There are days, especially when clothes feel tight or my body feels extra “bloated” that I feel like such a failure. I know that I am not though. I have come so far. I have seen the amazing things my body can do. I have seen and felt my body work hard and overcome the thoughts in my head telling me I couldn’t go on. Those thoughts were lies. I can go on. I will do this. I know there are ups and downs in this process and I cannot and will not give up. I am going to try and keep up with this blog again. I loved it before and I loved all the support I gave and recieved. I cannot wait to see what everyone has been up too. 🙂

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I’m still here

I have been so busy working and going to school I haven’t had time to read or write on here.  Working out has been a joke also. Luckily my eating has been ok. Have to spend a as much time i can studying since i am competing for one of 11 spots in the program i want to get into. I can only apply once every 15 months and the better I do now the better my chances of getting in will be. If i have any spare time i feel guilty for not studying so that has taken priority at the moment. I am exhausted but I am trying to find the right balance. Well have to get ready for church. Have an awesome and safe Labor day weekend!

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Learning about myself

I have no idea how much I have lost this month because my scale is a liar. Lol. Seriously though, I don’t normally weigh very often but the dietbet I am doing is almost over so I was curious. Before I got in the shower this morning,  it said I gained 10 pounds. Lol. I have messed up but not to that extent. After I got out of the shower it said I had only gained 3 pounds. I’m not worried about it because I don’t actually think I have gained. I will give it a few days and check again and if so, oh well. I am going to keep moving on. I will let you all know what my crazy scale says in a few days. I think it’s weird that I always weigh LESS after a shower. Apparently,  I have really light water. Lol

I have learned a lot about myself through this process.  In the last week / week and a half, I have noticed that I have been snacking (organic unsalted sunflower seeds) and eating out more than I should be. I did a lot of thinking the last few days to try and get to the bottom of what is going on with me and I really think I am a food addict. I have seen it before but didn’t think it was me. I knew I ate emotionally but thought that was it. Unfortunetely, I feel like I have been making excuses for my snacking and eating in general lately. I have rationalized my “bad” behavior. I would tell myself you need to do what you will be able to live with, and that is true in a sense but I think like an alcoholic you have to give up the bad behavior to survive. I know it’s not as bad as an alcoholic, but we all have problems to work through and this is mine. I obviously can’t stop eating, but I can try and pinpoint my triggers and give them up. That is the only way I will be successful. I know myself well enough to know that this is the only way. My ex was/always will be an alcoholic and he once told me that one day he will be able to have a drink every now and then. I almost fell on the floor. I wanted to tell him he was crazy. That trigger only leads you down a bad road. I have to give up the things that lead me to this place. I will get back to fully clean eating. I won’t want to plan to cheat. I will focus.
I have also paid more attention to my emotional eating. I realized that I may overeat when I’m bored but I binge when I am furious. Not just irritated by something but so angry that it makes me cry. Lol i really hate to cry. This has only happened twice in the last 8 months. Once a few months ago and once last week. It is stupid and now I can’t even remember what I was upset about but I need to find a better outlet. I will be working on both of these issues for the rest of my life but hopefully by doing so I will be healthier.
I think I may make it sound more extreme than it really is, and honestly I haven’t done that bad but I could he doing better and I have done better. Hopefully, I can take what I have learned and overcome these issues. My stubborn self won’t allow me to fail so I pick up and move on. 🙂

I have learned more but those are the biggest things.I’m curious, what have you guys learned about yourself in this process?

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It’s Friday!!!

I don’t have a lot going on weight wise. I have been eating well and working out. Probably a little too much snacking,  but at least it’s on something healthy. Have a birthday party at my sisters on Saturday and will more than likely be there most of the day so I probably won’t eat the best that day but will do the best I can. Haven’t weighed myself lately but I can tell I am losing weight in my face and my stomach. Yeah!

Sooooo happy it’s friday!!!! Beyond excited lol

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