Learning about myself

I have no idea how much I have lost this month because my scale is a liar. Lol. Seriously though, I don’t normally weigh very often but the dietbet I am doing is almost over so I was curious. Before I got in the shower this morning,  it said I gained 10 pounds. Lol. I have messed up but not to that extent. After I got out of the shower it said I had only gained 3 pounds. I’m not worried about it because I don’t actually think I have gained. I will give it a few days and check again and if so, oh well. I am going to keep moving on. I will let you all know what my crazy scale says in a few days. I think it’s weird that I always weigh LESS after a shower. Apparently,  I have really light water. Lol

I have learned a lot about myself through this process.  In the last week / week and a half, I have noticed that I have been snacking (organic unsalted sunflower seeds) and eating out more than I should be. I did a lot of thinking the last few days to try and get to the bottom of what is going on with me and I really think I am a food addict. I have seen it before but didn’t think it was me. I knew I ate emotionally but thought that was it. Unfortunetely, I feel like I have been making excuses for my snacking and eating in general lately. I have rationalized my “bad” behavior. I would tell myself you need to do what you will be able to live with, and that is true in a sense but I think like an alcoholic you have to give up the bad behavior to survive. I know it’s not as bad as an alcoholic, but we all have problems to work through and this is mine. I obviously can’t stop eating, but I can try and pinpoint my triggers and give them up. That is the only way I will be successful. I know myself well enough to know that this is the only way. My ex was/always will be an alcoholic and he once told me that one day he will be able to have a drink every now and then. I almost fell on the floor. I wanted to tell him he was crazy. That trigger only leads you down a bad road. I have to give up the things that lead me to this place. I will get back to fully clean eating. I won’t want to plan to cheat. I will focus.
I have also paid more attention to my emotional eating. I realized that I may overeat when I’m bored but I binge when I am furious. Not just irritated by something but so angry that it makes me cry. Lol i really hate to cry. This has only happened twice in the last 8 months. Once a few months ago and once last week. It is stupid and now I can’t even remember what I was upset about but I need to find a better outlet. I will be working on both of these issues for the rest of my life but hopefully by doing so I will be healthier.
I think I may make it sound more extreme than it really is, and honestly I haven’t done that bad but I could he doing better and I have done better. Hopefully, I can take what I have learned and overcome these issues. My stubborn self won’t allow me to fail so I pick up and move on. 🙂

I have learned more but those are the biggest things.I’m curious, what have you guys learned about yourself in this process?




10 thoughts on “Learning about myself

  1. Have you tried checking the accuracy of your scale. First try weighing yourself 5 times or so in a row. Is it giving you the same number each time? If not there’s a problem. You can also weigh something that you know the weight of like a dumbell or kettlebell or even a jug of milk that has the weight printed on it and hasn’t been opened. You can always try changing the batteries, but you may need a new scale.
    I’ve experienced this a few times myself.

    1. Yea i usually weigh myself like 4 times in a row to make sure I get the same number. It’s a pretty new scale, about 2 months and it has been used maybe 5/6 times. This is the most accurate one I have ever had. Today was just the craziest difference I have ever had. I’m not too worried about it. I will see what happens in a few days if it’s still way off I will look into it. I may try and put a small dumbell on there just for the heck of it though. Lol kind of curious.

  2. I’ve learned that there processed foods and wheat-based foods, even supposedly healthy, low fat ones, cause me to crave eating and that I have to wipe them out 100%. Stick to low-fat, high protein, natural foods.

  3. I’ve realized that I am a world-class rhetorical speaker. I can convince myself of anything. I have a talent for words. Here’s how that plays out: RATIONALIZATION. If I ever ask the question, “should I eat this…?” no matter what it is or what else is going on, the shyster in me, that oh so smooth talker, gets me around to “yes.” So I’ve learned: don’t ask the question in the first place. I go to the store and literally repeat in my head phrases like “Here are the vegetables, they are good. There are bad things down that isle, we’re not going that way…” just stating things as facts, not open for interpretation. I know I sound like Gollum petting my broccoli but it works because it addresses the specific problem I have. That’s the thing about weight loss: you can follow any plan you like but if you don’t rig it for YOUR SPECIFIC PERSONALITY, it won’t work in the long run. You are not a statistic, you are a person. Correctly identify your own strengths, weaknesses, issues, and opportunities (which you are doing a lovely job at) and address them head-on. This will lead to success! 🙂

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