Here I go again

I have been away for quite a while now but have not given up on this journey. There have been so many things happen in my life in the last year and a half and my emotional eating has gotten beyond out of hand. I honestly don’t know how to get it in control again. I have been through a job loss due to downsizing, relationship issues, a move several states states away from my home state, engagement, miscarriage, and jobs, and missing home. I have gained so much weight since moving to Tennessee, but my fiance are both working  to lose weight and become healthier. Food though.Ugh! Food is the biggest problem. Its a vicious cycle

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I refuse to quit though. I need and will work through this. I know that I do better when I have community support so here I am. I also joined a dietbet this morning. I am hoping with the support I can get back on track and get my mindset straight. toohard

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It has been way too long…..

It has been so long since I have been on here….I don’t know what to say. I have definitely been sucking at this weight loss/healthy living business. There have been some major downs the last few months and lots of eating out. I haven’t weighed myself in months but by the way my clothes fit I can tell I have gained a little back. I am not as comfortable with my body and sometines its hard to explain to people why.  I have gotten back into the gym but I need to start meal prepping again.
No one tells you how hard this process is. No one realizes what a struggle this is. I love how people on the outside can just be like lose weight, workout, stop eating so much……seriously?! Let me hit you with my shoe and then maybe I can explain how it’s not as easy as that. If I ate just when I was hungry I would only eat once a day. That is not my problem. My problem is when I’m bored or having some kind of emotion (apparently any kind of feeler will work), usually at night, I eat to fill a void of some sort. Soooo don’t act like it’s as easy as just stop eating. Everyone has something they have to work through and I know this is my lot in life but I really wish people could see what others are going through. Honestly, we are all fighting some kind of battle. We should be nicer and more supportive of each other. I have several friends who are working through weight issues and I try to be so supportive and excited for them. Even when things aren’t going well, I try to be there for them because I know this struggle. I know I could have it so much worse and I am so thankful for what I have and what I have accomplished.
I was doing so well and then i wasn’t. There are days, especially when clothes feel tight or my body feels extra “bloated” that I feel like such a failure. I know that I am not though. I have come so far. I have seen the amazing things my body can do. I have seen and felt my body work hard and overcome the thoughts in my head telling me I couldn’t go on. Those thoughts were lies. I can go on. I will do this. I know there are ups and downs in this process and I cannot and will not give up. I am going to try and keep up with this blog again. I loved it before and I loved all the support I gave and recieved. I cannot wait to see what everyone has been up too. 🙂

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I’m still here

I have been so busy working and going to school I haven’t had time to read or write on here.  Working out has been a joke also. Luckily my eating has been ok. Have to spend a as much time i can studying since i am competing for one of 11 spots in the program i want to get into. I can only apply once every 15 months and the better I do now the better my chances of getting in will be. If i have any spare time i feel guilty for not studying so that has taken priority at the moment. I am exhausted but I am trying to find the right balance. Well have to get ready for church. Have an awesome and safe Labor day weekend!

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Learning about myself

I have no idea how much I have lost this month because my scale is a liar. Lol. Seriously though, I don’t normally weigh very often but the dietbet I am doing is almost over so I was curious. Before I got in the shower this morning,  it said I gained 10 pounds. Lol. I have messed up but not to that extent. After I got out of the shower it said I had only gained 3 pounds. I’m not worried about it because I don’t actually think I have gained. I will give it a few days and check again and if so, oh well. I am going to keep moving on. I will let you all know what my crazy scale says in a few days. I think it’s weird that I always weigh LESS after a shower. Apparently,  I have really light water. Lol

I have learned a lot about myself through this process.  In the last week / week and a half, I have noticed that I have been snacking (organic unsalted sunflower seeds) and eating out more than I should be. I did a lot of thinking the last few days to try and get to the bottom of what is going on with me and I really think I am a food addict. I have seen it before but didn’t think it was me. I knew I ate emotionally but thought that was it. Unfortunetely, I feel like I have been making excuses for my snacking and eating in general lately. I have rationalized my “bad” behavior. I would tell myself you need to do what you will be able to live with, and that is true in a sense but I think like an alcoholic you have to give up the bad behavior to survive. I know it’s not as bad as an alcoholic, but we all have problems to work through and this is mine. I obviously can’t stop eating, but I can try and pinpoint my triggers and give them up. That is the only way I will be successful. I know myself well enough to know that this is the only way. My ex was/always will be an alcoholic and he once told me that one day he will be able to have a drink every now and then. I almost fell on the floor. I wanted to tell him he was crazy. That trigger only leads you down a bad road. I have to give up the things that lead me to this place. I will get back to fully clean eating. I won’t want to plan to cheat. I will focus.
I have also paid more attention to my emotional eating. I realized that I may overeat when I’m bored but I binge when I am furious. Not just irritated by something but so angry that it makes me cry. Lol i really hate to cry. This has only happened twice in the last 8 months. Once a few months ago and once last week. It is stupid and now I can’t even remember what I was upset about but I need to find a better outlet. I will be working on both of these issues for the rest of my life but hopefully by doing so I will be healthier.
I think I may make it sound more extreme than it really is, and honestly I haven’t done that bad but I could he doing better and I have done better. Hopefully, I can take what I have learned and overcome these issues. My stubborn self won’t allow me to fail so I pick up and move on. 🙂

I have learned more but those are the biggest things.I’m curious, what have you guys learned about yourself in this process?

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It’s Friday!!!

I don’t have a lot going on weight wise. I have been eating well and working out. Probably a little too much snacking,  but at least it’s on something healthy. Have a birthday party at my sisters on Saturday and will more than likely be there most of the day so I probably won’t eat the best that day but will do the best I can. Haven’t weighed myself lately but I can tell I am losing weight in my face and my stomach. Yeah!

Sooooo happy it’s friday!!!! Beyond excited lol

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Calorie counting

Calorie counting doesn’t work for me. I try and use myfitnesspal. I really try. I have really only been trying to count them for the last few months but I think I am done for now.  I feel like it’s so many things to focus on and I become obsessed with my calories. I eat better and don’t stress as much if I’m just watching portions and eating healthy. I do better in general without having to worry about every little calorie. Counting them isn’t practical for me either and I want to do something I can live with for the rest of my life. Lol calorie counting is not something I can do for forever. I may try it again down the road but for now I am going to stick with what works.

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